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| Dear Internet,STOP SHOWING ME PICTURES OF FAT-ASS BARE BELLIES AND THEN SKINNY ONES. NO ONE WANTS TO SEE THAT !#@$. Worst. Marketing idea. EVER.
I'm talking to you, Facebook and icanhascheezburger.
Sincerely,
Cathy Latimer
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| Take that, Microsoft.I'm going to nerd out a little.
I've been an Mac user since 2003, and I can pretty much rock anything Apple. The current setup on my work computer (Intel MacBook, 2.4gH, 4 GB RAM upgrade-- I love my company for buying me this) has the four desktop spaces, VMWare Fusion with a Windows XP virtual machine, and Adobe CS3.3, and I have pimped it out just the way I like it.
My specialty is worming my way around Microsoft. Not that I hate the company or anything; I just refuse to admit there is something I can't do on this computer that Windows users can.
Okay, okay, I actually REALLY hate Microsoft for producing mediocre software and changing it every year so it's not compatible with anything. Microsoft Office 2007? Okay, great, maybe everything needed a big redesign, and you liked the giant top border with picture-button-menu-bar-things. Fine. But I can't read anything created in Office 2007 with my older version of Office because you changed the file format? Kind of annoying.
Oh, wait. You made a compatibility pack for those of us who don't want to buy new software.. Oh, it only works on Windows....
Actually, that's okay, I understand. That's why I run Windows XP on this computer. I believe that Microsoft shouldn't have to cater to Mac and vise versa. A lot of software carries over, and I'm thankful for that.
However, as a Mac user, my only option is to buy Office 2007 unless I want to spend the rest of my days requesting that people save another copy of their powerpoint in the old format, and THEN send it so I can read it. This also contributes to the Mac ill-will, "just buy a PC, you self-centered hipster" sentiment because it means more work for the PC user and clogs up his folders with additional copies of his documents.
Cathy Gives the Finger to MicrosoftI was two keystrokes away from buying Office 2007 for Mac when I read a bunch of pitiful reviews about it. This is what lead me to look at iWork more closely.
Long story short, I was won over to iWork by one feature, and one feature only: text wrap in the Word Processor. Although the cool-ass picture frames and the fact that it read and saved in MS Office 2007 format helped a lot. If I decided I didn't like it, I still had Office 2003 as a backup, right?
But lo, there is a problem.... Errors keep showing up when I import Powerpoint slides. Errors that say "Calibri font not recognized" and then screw with the spacing on all the slides. This looks especially bad when a guy asks me to print his slides off since he's not hooked up to the printers yet, and I'm all, "oh yeah, I can totally do that from my Mac. Check out this Keynote program in iWork. I totally bunked the system and got iWork because I hate Microsoft, and I know what I'm doing, and I'm awesome blahblahblah. Oh wait, it effed up all your slides. Sorry, man."
Ok, whatever. I'll jerry-rig his slides, print them off, and go find this "Calibri" font on freefonts.com.
OH WAIT, it's a font Microsoft created SOLELY FOR OFFICE 2007 and I CAN'T GET IT ANYWHERE WITHOUT PIRATING IT OR PAYING $35. I don't like to be a pirate at work because my company looks down on those things. Well, geez, I guess I just can't get by without Office 2007, and I'm just going to have to bow down to Microsoft if I want to be compatible wit----
Wait, I forgot I'm smart.
*logs into Windows XP virtual machine*
*downloads compatibility pack for Office 2007, even though I don't even have Office in the virtual machine*
*navigates to Windows Explorer*
*searches fonts folder*
*drags and drops Calibri fonts onto Mac desktop*
*deposits Calibri fonts into Mac fonts folders*
*opens Powerpoint document made in Office 2007 with Calibri font*
EFF YOU MICROSOFT HAHAHAHAHAHA
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| I am awesome. I just fixed my company's email. It is break time.
So the other day, I saw this minivan with some Jesus fish on it. You know, the one where sometimes it's just the fish, sometimes it says "Jesus" in the middle of it, and sometimes it says "Ichthys" (which is Greek for "fish"). And then they made one with feet under it that says "Darwin."
You know what I'm talking about.
Well, lately I've been seeing families of fish on the back of cars, with two big fish representing the parents and several little fish representing the kids. This minivan had one of these "fish families" on it, except there were two big fish, three little fish, and... An un-faded paint spot with adhesive residue where a fourth little fish used to be.
WHAT.
Our options here are:
1. Little Johnnie died and they couldn't bear to look at his fish sticker anymore.
2. Little Johnnie got a girl pregnant and/or joined the military, and the family disowned him by removing his fish sticker.
3. Little Johnnie became a Buddhist.
4. Little Johnnie's fish sticker fell off, his family was too lazy to replace it, and now little Johnnie cries himself to sleep at night.
I think you can see the trend, in that nothing good could have transpired here.
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| What up, xanga?! It's time for a revival. Maybe.
I guess I can start by updating all two of you on "Cathy's Post-College Extravaganza."
First up: I burned through a record-setting three jobs last year! OSU Flight Instructor from January until I graduated; AirOne Flight Academy Instructor/Salesperson/Graphic Artist/Desk Jockey until two of my paychecks bounced, and I quit; Bob Moore Mazda Car Salesperson until I landed....
A sweet-ass job at Commuter Air Technology! It's a good story, so gather 'round, children.
Once upon a time, Cathy was a car salesman. She loved her job, even though everyone around her hated it. Maybe she liked it because she was damn good at it; maybe she just liked talking about cars all day and surfing the internet. Either way, she was content in her job... Until she realized that she was actually working 50-55 hour work weeks with 12 hour shifts on Saturdays and making no commissions because the stock market was freaking people out. That's when she realized it was BS.
Anyway... You could catch her looking wistfully upon the sky every time a Cessna putted by. Even though she was surrounded by the cars she loved, the constant sound of engines purring, and the shop boys telling stories of all their aftermarket modifica...
Whatever.
So Bob Moore Mazda worked me to death and destroyed my fencing schedule. Don't get me wrong; I loved the job, but dang... I was working one day, and I sold a Miata to the head of the Porsche club and his wife, and they invited me to come autocrossing with them in my little turbo hatchback Mazdaspeed 3.
I pulled up at the track and parked next to none other than a Porsche GT3 ($130,000 worth of car) with a "Fly Army" sticker on it. I asked the guy about his car and flying for the Army, and long story short: he sells aftermarket airplane parts to US and foreign militaries and civilians. He offered me a job as a salesman.
People, THERE IS A GOD. I think my life is proof.
So I started out at Commuter Air Technology (CAT) last December, and I looove my job. When people ask me what I do, I tell them, "I pimp airplanes." If there is anything cooler than that, I'd like to know.
And I also discovered the reason God put me through the AirOne fiasco: it's because I learned everything at that job that I needed to perform this one. The only thing I didn't learn was salesmanship, and I picked that up at Mazda: a job I wouldn't have taken unless I was desperate enough to leave AirOne.
I've picked up Photoshop, simple graphic design, website development and management, a little HTML and Visual Basic, printing/mailing processes, a huge nerd-love of all things computers, time management (we all know I didn't have that before)-- all skills that I never would have developed without AirOne.
Now I'm doing brochures, product cards, website design, photo editing, sales, and general tech support (because I'm awesome).
My company bought me a Macbook laptop and an iPhone because they know I can rock a Mac (they're all switching over, too), and I can make that computer dance for me.
When we bought it, I made sure they got me the better processor and extra memory so I can pretty much flog that poor thing every day. I run Windows XP simultaneously with OS X, Microsoft Project, 6 huuuge photoshop brochure files, four Word documents, an Excel spreadsheet, email, and video tutorials on the internet on a desktop I've divided into four different screens... And it keeps up with me. The worst it's done is lag when I'm dragging a 600 dpi picture of aircraft seats, zoomed in to the pixel, across the screen in Photoshop. AWESOME.
While I'm nerding out over here, I'll go ahead and tell you that I want to buy that HP laptop that has been sitting in my company's closet for a while. I want to load Linux on it, play with it for a while, and then start messing with things that may or may not cause me to reload the operating system multiple times.
Then: the dissection begins. I'm in over my head, but Google has become my new teacher post-college, and she is slowly and awkwardly teaching me computer science and hardware.
Plus, there's no way I'm taking the Mac apart.
I'm still not completely happy with life since I've moved to OKC, and I don't know why.
At least I like what I do.
Peace.
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| Speaking the Truth to the CustomerFlight training has been a little slow lately, what with the economy and all. My boss's answer to this is to advertise like there's no tomorrow and go through our records for anyone who has ever inquired about flight training. That's fine, do what you need to do to get the business.
So yesterday he gave me a stack of printed emails from prospective customers and asked me to follow up with them. I said, "no problem," but it turns out these emails were 2-3 years old, and all correspondence had stopped then... THAT'S A PROBLEM. So I'm stuck looking like a desperate idiot, talking to people who didn't know I existed when they called and asked about training in late July of 2005. It is so rude to lose correspondence (probably our fault- we're not very organized) and then ask for your business anyway years later.
I did not sign up for this when I became a flight instructor. I wrote the following email.
Mr. X,
Hi! I know it’s been like three years since we talked to you, but well, business is slow, and AirOne is trolling the corners of the earth for flight students. So. Did you ever get your Private Pilot Certificate, or are you in the process of flight training? If not, then please allow us to beg and plead that you come back. If so, then please let us offer you advanced training or recurrent training for your PPL so we can at least have some of the precious, leftover money out of your pocket.
You see, AirOne is really only concerned with two things: flying and money. You as a person do not qualify as flying or money, but since you allow us access to both of these beloved commodities, we kind of need to suck up to you. Not that we’re doing a very good job, since you will probably find this email an unwanted and offensive gesture and WOULD have seen through our clever “catching up with you” tactic if not for the fact that I pretty much just spelled it out for you.
So good luck with all your flying, if indeed you are flying and weren’t completely turned off to the concept three years ago by our flight school’s sh**ty public relations. And let me suggest changing your email address or spamblocking us because we sure as hell aren’t going to stop emailing you, as you should have figured out by now.
Sincerely,
I am too embarrassed to sign my name here
Then I wrote a real one, but I made it sound really sales-pitchy and sent it anyways.
Mr. X,
Hello! A while ago you had expressed an interest in flight training with AirOne. We are just checking our records and would like to know if you are still interested in getting your Private Pilot Certificate! AirOne offers competitive rates, performance-modified aircraft with full IFR capabilities, and experienced, full-time Flight Instructors who are ready and willing to help you achieve your pilot’s license. Please let us know if we can be of assistance for any of your aviation needs!
Sincerely,
[my boss's name] and AirOne Flight Academy
I need a new job.
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